Occupado! by Hot Buttered Elvis

Look, just be there, ok?

THE BAND:

Vocalist and sporadic guitarist Scott Barber loves the music business, even though it takes time away from his other passion in life, the direct-mail marketing of his personal line of fragrances, cleaning products, and party/novelty items! "Even in times of recession, you'd be amazed how well fake vomit or plastic dog-crap sells!" Barber's a self-made thousandaire, thanks to his pioneering of innovative marketing techniques like a branded car alarm ("Step away from the car! Buy your fake vomit from Barber! Step away from the car! Fake puke on sale today!") and free Barber Products logo tattos for the homeless.

Drummer, demolitions expert and professional voice-over artist Rob San Pietro has recently lent his signature vocal stylings to Tone Loc's Urban Nursery Rhymes, a new animated TV series based on the gravel-voiced rapper. "They wanted to actually use Tone Loc," explains San Pietro, "but he kept showing up to the studio high. I was in working on my other project, Ruminative Misadventures: The Writings of Tiny Tim (as read by Rob San Pietro), and when Tone stepped out for what turned out to be a month, they called me in."

Documentary film-maker and Bassist Shawn Sharifi, reknowned for his monumentally successful film Why Hollywood Sucks, is in the final editing stages of his newest offering, a sequel entitled Why Hollywood Still Sucks. "The working title was Who'd I Forget? More Hollywood People I Can't Stand," says Sharifi. "But nobody in Tinseltown returned my calls. Ahh, what do you expect. They suck!"

Moggio Hozna, lead guitarist and former physics professor at UCLA has been working on his own Hollywood project, trying to get re-released the classic 70s film Super Fly in every language known. "Unfortunately, right now the standing if the USA in the eyes of the world has never been lower. You wanna win over hearts and minds? Let'em see Super Fly in their native tongues, not subtitled!" Asked why he thinks that will help, the lanky Buddhist says "Are you kidding? It would work for me!" Reached for comment just after the last Presidential (s)election, Hozna exclaims "Bush won? WHA-A-A-AT?!? C'mon America, what are you thinking? Are you? Thinking, that is? America, can you hear me? WAKE UP!!!"

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