That's So Gay! by Gnarlene

It was in the mental institution that Gnarlene first began to percieve the messages she attributes to a highly evolved race of beings inhabiting a distant planet called Fabulon. These beings transmit a kind of interstellar radio signal over the universal wi-fi network.

"It's sort of a Fey Ray, or Supreme Beam. It tells me to make certain kinds of musics or write inflammatory manifesto's sometimes".

After many productive years in the institution Gnarlene felt she had learned all she could there and was eventually released.

For fashion reasons, she decided to become a UPS driver and happily occupied herself in that pursuit for a time under an assumed identity. "I didn't want to get Special Rites just because I was a former gay child celebrity. But when they wouldn't let me wear my white go go boots with my little brown shorts outfit, I knew it was time to move on".

The Fey Ray then proclaimed that she must re-become an international artistic celebrity in order to transmit the Doctrine of Fabulousness and the entire, as yet unrevealed Fabulon Codex. And so she has launched on her current lifes campaign.

"It's so exciting, I get rather large numbers of people throwing things at me in the supermarket in some kind of adulatory frenzy of celebrity worship."

What's next for Gnarlene? " Well, I've got a lot of projects planned. Right now I'm working on smashing the heterarchy, returning America to democracy and liberating men from their fashion prison. And if there's any time left after lunch I may take a nap."

Gnarlene:

The Exclusive Interview

This reporter recently was awarded the honor of being granted an exclusive interview with Gnarlene; uber-gay celebrity and all-around reclusive head case.

What follows is a completely uncensored glimpse into the shocking world of one of Americas least famous celebrities.

BW: Gnarlene, your music has been described by some as freaky and by others as bizarre. Do you feel marginalized by a world that fails to comprehend the magnitude of your genius?

Gnarlene: More absinthe Babs? Frankly yes, the world can be quite cruel at times. And the moon also has exhibited pronounced tendencies of indifference, if not outright hostility towards me. It's quite sad really, for them.

BW: I want to touch on your childhood briefly if I may...

Gnarlene: You're a little too late for that sweetie; you'd have to touch on my manhood by now I should think. But really, I'd rather discuss my career than carry on any sort of disturbing, hetero foreplay with you. I have my public to consider.

BW: Fair enough. I understand though, that your father was a tough disciplinarian.

Gnarlene: (weeping pitifully) Yes, as many of you will remember, I was a childhood superstar with my brothers as the Supreme Six. As the youngest, and prettiest, I was singled out by my father for, ..um..special rites.

He was convinced the act needed to be more gay, so while my brothers were busy wreaking havoc with miniature implements of war, I was forced to endure hour upon hour of tea-parties and endless fashion premiers. Once, he caught me sporting about with a G.I. Joe figurine and he became extremely enraged. "Get back in the goddamn house and play with your Mrs. Piggle Wiggle RIGHT NOW!, Mr. Butchy Pants!". Or he'd ground me in my room and make me create flawless little bunt cakes with my easy-bake oven.

BW: How sad. You have a new album coming out. Tell me about it.

Gnarlene: It's fab. It's called "That's So GAY!". It's got everything... sacred messages, effeminate monkeys, Fred Phelp's spoken word art, demonic exorcism. Really, everything you could musically desire in one stunningly conceived package. Strictly taboo for the kiddies.

BW: I've heard it. It is....different. Tell me, isn't there just a trace of blasphemy in putting words in Jesus' mouth.

Gnarlene: Christ no Babs! Actually, that song came to me as a sort of epiphany and the thing was simultaneously written and recorded on the spot in my home studio at the Lazy I Ranch. There was a bit of divine inspiration involved in that one Sweetie. And really, who's to say Jesus can't channel his special wisdom through Gnarlene? That's blasphemy if you ask me.

BW: Tell me about Alpha Male. Isn't it true that the song is a thinly veiled attempt to foist your views concerning gay supremacy on a naïve public?

Gnarlene: Listen Babs....while I do believe in ultimate gay supremacy for all, Alpha Male is simply a charming little vignette into the fascinating world of the animal kingdom. Plus, it's got a great beat... and you can dance to it.

BW: Much of the record is composed of pulsating rhythms and trance inducing music, while your freaky themes tend towards the shocking and bizarre. I'm not sure John Q. Public is completely ready for this material.

Gnarlene: Yeah, well... I can always go back to baking. Have another slab of bunt cake Babs.

BW: Well, best of luck to you Gnarlene. One last question...how do you feel about celebrity baby dangling?

Gnarlene: While that seems to be the current fashion of the moment, unless you actually drop the baby, I feel it's rather pointless. Don't you?

SO WHAT'S GAY SUPREMACY ALL ABOUT ANYWAY?

Well, basically it's a hyperbolic attack on the hetero-supremacist status quo. When hetero's stop making and enforcing laws designed to maintain us as "sexual serfs" stripped of the rights and privileges they take completely for granted then maybe we'll ease up a bit. Not until then.

There's also more than a bit of common sense in this philosophy as well. Look at the shape the world is in under the hetero-supremacist paradigm. War, hunger, pestilence, a degraded environment, name your poison, we've got it all.

Shouldn't we at least consider some possible alternatives to the current state of affairs?

Queers are fabulous! Everyone knows it. And really, isn't fabulousness what we desperately need more of in this world? We have insane hetero-supremacist religious fanatics attacking us from without, and equally insane hetero-supremacist leaders here at home ready to drag the country to flaming ruin in the name of preemptive aggression and family vendetta. Could queers really lead us down a more misguided and destructive path? I don't think so Sweetie.

On the contrary, when our little cultural makeover kicks in you should expect to see far less of this kind of behavior. When you are busy creating beauty, joy and divine madness in the world, there is little time left to squander on ugly, violent acts of aggression.

But you say, "I know plenty of queers who are just as messed up and unfabulous as us heteros". Unfortunately this is true. The hetero-supremacist culture has left many of us with scars, neuroses, addictions and plain bad fashion sense. But this only underscores my point. Why perpetuate a culture that damages so many people so badly? Queers are inherently fabulous and want nothing more than to share that fabulousness with the culture at large. In return we are ostracized, marginalized and dehumanized in the name of "moral decency."

We count it a great victory if we can get laws passed to protect our housing or employment at the municipal level. Imagine that. It's the twenty first century and the culture is finally, grudgingly accepting the fact that we should have some limited access to life's basic necessities. Well, thank you very much! Don't get me wrong, I am grateful to be living in a country where the State isn't currently killing us, locking us up, torturing us, or confining us to mental institutions because of our sexual preferences. Sad to say, this is progress. And there certainly are many countries today where these practices are still common.

The gay supremacy culture shift will require us all to re-examine every value, every moral edict, and every societal norm we unquestionably adhere to. The benchmark should be "is this fabulous?" "Is this something that will lead to greater, or diminished fabulousness in future?" "Am I fully supporting the fabulous efforts of others?"

So what is fabulous? To some degree it is an ephemeral quality not easily described in words. But perhaps a few examples will illustrate the point. Eating a McDonalds cheeseburger on hard plastic furniture is not fabulous. Dining al fresco beneath a canopy of stars on salmon quiche and champagne is fabulous.

Similarly, aggressive, moronic behavior is not fabulous. Playfully absurd, creative behavior is fabulous.

I am speaking of fabulousness not based upon cost or social cache, but upon its improving effect or lack thereof, upon the individual, the society and the planet.

In this regard, a Predatory Land Vehicle (PLV) is far from fabulous on several grounds. It is wasteful. It is dangerous to the driver and those who must share the road with her, and it is marketed and owned as a symbol of social caste and aggressive indifference to others. None of these qualities are improving, for the owner or anyone else. In fact the proliferation of this type of vehicle is having profoundly negative effects on our culture and planet.

It is not my intention, or wish to codify and categorize all things as fabulous or not. To some degree it is of course a matter of personal taste. However, I believe using the criterion of "improving or not improving" can be a meaningful way to evaluate a thing, behavior or situation. I simply say, "Try to do those things which make you feel more fabulous at the soul rather than the ego level."

I believe we must move the culture in this direction if we are to survive on this planet. Our decidedly non-fabulous, unsustainable consumer culture must be replaced by one which honors the fabulousness of the Earth itself and all creatures who are her children. Gay Supremacy Now!

Transmission over. Gnarlene Out

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