And Now to Sum Things Completely Different by [Phloide.com] + [the Micronauts]

McLaughlin’s solid rhythms, bass grooves, and alternative/new wave keyboard sounds from Overdrive (and earlier related projects), as well as a plethora of beautifully woven textured piano, organ, and synthesizer melody lines, closely resembling 21 Inventions in Pachelbel. Yet even with these strong and diverse influences, Phloide.com delivers a complex and skillfully woven hard driving sound all its own, which I would loosely describe as most closely resembling industrial/gothic hard rock.

"Now to Sum Things" released in 2006 is the second album from the Phloide.com project, featuring a generally similar (but perhaps a bit edgier) sound compared to its predecessor 2002 Album "Deception" made by "Phloide.com and the Garden Gnome Liberation Front". On Phloide's "Now to Sum Things", some songs such as "Danny's Magic Cellphone", "Ride of a lifetime"" and "Yertle and Bartholomew" definitely lean towards the edgy hard driving industrial rock end of the musical spectrum. Others such as "Zillion Faces", "Pint of Dark Matter", and "Sum of All Things" feature more of a melancholy gothic sound. Other Tracks such as "Schrödinger’s Kitty", "Ahab's Bee of Death", "The Great Opaque Divide" and instrumentals "Dancing upon the Ephemeron" and "Cheese" feature a diverse mix of edgy alternative rock beats, distorted guitar and bass sounds, and dark or sometimes whimsical sounding synthesizer melody lines. "Birdies Bouncing Off Windows" is quite humorous and deeply melancholy and though provoking all at the same time. All songs (besides the instrumental “Great Opaque Divide”) feature a very distinctive sounding electronically processed vocal delivery which blends in well with the mood of the songs, and adds to the album's edgy and unique alternative/industrial musical appeal. The only drawback with this approach for the vocal delivery is that some of the words of the songs are a little bit hard to make out at times. The words of the songs are still pretty much distinguishable throughout the album, and full lyrics to all of the songs are provided in abundance in the album's liner notes and also at Phloide.com’s main website and Myspace page. (Which by the way are very good places to check out for those interested in learning more about the album and getting the latest scoop on how & where to purchase it)

The written content of the songs is perhaps the most amazing aspect of Phloide's "Now for Sum Thing" album and is persistently humorous and deeply thought provoking throughout. If you are a fan of British Humor, Dr. Seuss, or nursery rhymes (or all of the above) you are really in for a treat as the writing of the songs is riddled with humorous references to the likes of Monty Python, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Spinal Tap, Yertle the turtle, Fox in Socks, Horton the Who, Peter Rabbit, the Cheshire Cat, Charlotte’s web, Mother Goose, Goldilocks, and even H.R. Pufnstuf. I can also detect some subtle tips of the hat to great classical rock musicians such as Pink Floyd, the Eagles, Jimmi Hendrix and Rush. The lyric sheet is quite extensive and thorough with the lyrical imagery delivered in mostly a poetic or metaphorical style. The written content of the deeply thought out song lyrics are guaranteed to tickle your brain and challenge your thoughts in the subjects of the validity of the theory of evolution and some aspects of quantum physics, mankind's treatment of his fellow man, and the significance of One's life and search for meaning in God's Creation and Universe. At least these are some of my interpretations so far of the album's lyrical content and deep meanings, and you are likely to come away with your own unique interpretations of the meanings of the songs as you embark upon the adventure of exploring this great album.

As far as musical comparison, I cannot think of any direct musical comparisons for this album, but the innovative and creative edgy alternative rock sounds and conceptual approach of this album remind me quite a bit of Scattered Few's "Sin Disease" and Lifesavers Underground's (L.S.U.'s) "The Grape Prophet".

In conclusion, Phloide.com and the Micronauts "And now to Sum Things Completely Different" is a brilliantly written collection of skillfully crafted fresh and innovative underground rock sounds that is sure to appeal to fans of Christian Industrial, Gothic, and Alternative Rock alike.

RivotRich.7

http://www.myspace.com/rivot_rich7

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JJ

1) Zillion Faces

I hears a zillion voices crying out for meaning

and I swears they sounds a lot like me

I sees a zillion faces that yearn for the notion of being and I swears they looks a lot like me

2) I Went on a Ride

I went on a ride In the great space coaster

With Tinky Winky And his brave little toaster.

He said No it don’t cook the custard even

But while others go to 10 This one goes to 11

We went to the restaurant

At the end of the universe

and he read to me from the reading rainbow connection

Verse by verse by verse

What’s your Name

What’s your quest

What’s your favorite color

come and take a look into my magic mirror

You can stay if you brought your towel

But please don’t call me Barney

Strange is our Situation here upon the earth

Stranger still the longing of our soul

Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness

Yet we all want someone to say well done.

I went to a BBQ and what did I see

HR Pufnstuff coming after me

He said we have an interview with the new zoo review

With Dr. Horton the Who, Winnie the Pooh, and The Buggaloos

There is no reason to get excited, HR kindly spoke

There are many among us Who think life is but a syndicated show

What’s your Name

What’s your quest

What’s your favorite color

come and take a look into my magic mirror

You can stay if you brought your towel

But please don’t call me Barney

Strange is our Situation here upon the earth

Stranger still the longing of our soul

Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness

Yet we all want someone to say well done.

So I said to the Captain Please bring me my Chocolate

Dan said we haven’t had that Box here Since Frank Farion forgot my number

When I close my eyes at the end of the session

Will the answer be forty-two guess it pends on the question.

3) Danny’s Magick Cellphone

Wouldn’t it be neat if the moon was made of green cheese

And the earth was a bagel

Then God could have breakfast on the way to work

And heat His coffee on the sun

Oh Danny boy the pipes are calling

From glen to mountain side

its been a thousand two hundred and ninety days

and your dinosaurs have all died

Life was so much simpler

before we killed the man on the moon

the pleasures of life much sweeter

before the plate divorced the spoon

Put down your cell phone

Put on your shades

Roll down your window

Take a look around before the ambiance fades

one thousand three hundred and thirty five days

since we drank to our surmise

I still can’t read the Writing on the wall

must be the clouds in my eyes

We have slaughtered all the unicorns

and caged up all the dragons

is there anyone remaining who'll have a drink

with me and Bilbo Baggins

Put on your big hat

put down your PDA

time is sipping cider from an hour glass

as Lucy’s selling wisdom for the price of lemonade

As Danny’s dinosaur takes a bow

before he slips into his enclave

now just a star in the face of the sky

no time to see him wave

when swimming in the tapestry

of a rich man’s kingdom

never forget the simple smile

of a clown who loves to dance

put on your trench coat

Put away your aftershave

don’t forget your goulashes

come and join the masquerade as we serenade home

jump back patty whack

give a Danny his bone

and when this mortal flesh shall fail

I will leave a light on

4) Birdies Bouncing Off Windows

I see birdies bouncing off windows

Simply because they don’t believe they are there

There are no second chances

Their bodies are broken by the choices they have made

And goliath comes,

and he swallows them down and he smiles

Cuz you know he thinks it’s a game,

doggy snacks from heaven

And fate laughs

as she lays down her final hand

And we turn our heads as we wonder

if the gamble was worth the price we paid

5) Cheese

-with apologies to Dave Matthews

There are hundreds of thousands of things you can eat that are not cheese

6) Yertle & Batholomew

Yertle and Bartholomew

sitting with in the vestibule

searching for exotic tools

to computate the Golden rule

If Bartholomew had 500 hats

He would want 500 more

his cracked emphatic intellect

cannot keep objective score

He would not clock it in a box

he could not with a fox in socks

it’s safe behind his mental blocks

locked his rocks from Goldilox

fixation stirred

with whey and curds

is symbiosis

with social thrombosis

his pretense

builds his defense

rational internal splicing

spoils our fare with over-spicing

don’t let our need for reason

blemish the dance

don’t let our want for bits & portion

taint the romance

Yertle says that what I do

the limbic system tells me to

I’ve drank the wishy-washy brew

and never tasted anything new

Over the hill and through the woods

the wolf is surely waiting

dilapidated vigor the caveat

yertle van turtle still wants to be king

Synchronic allure

cannot confer

his pending diagnosis

of his apotheosis,

he gathers reference

without preference

incoherent cognant pricing

taste it once again this time with icing

don’t let our need for reason

blemish the dance

don’t let our want for bits and portion

taint the romance

bitter tasting weed and brine

oft mistaken for bread and wine

from the start to finish line

we are more than our design

7) Schrödinger’s Kitty (Strings)

This is my corrugated ditty

about a pitiable little kitty

Dissipating in a chromodynamic shroud

when along came a spider

upon the supercollider

to derail his fractal cloud

she said my name is charlotte

as she weaves her scarlet

I have come to entwine your reactor

he said kitties like me need no name

we have no claim to fame

but my imaginary friends like to call me factor

web-weaver web weaver weave me a web

where love and suffering and visions wed

Where wind and soil share the wine and the bread

where father time has his fortune read

I have sipped from the chalice

Threaded yarn through the palace

acquire designed, of life defined,

watching time cast silhouettes

I have treaded down the random walk

twist the hands of the clock

bake a mistake, my cake to partake,

I still have my XFL season tickets

She listens to the tune

that gently fumes

from the strings of factor’s fiddle

with a song no one wrote

he misses not one note

not one yod or one tittle

she told of her bought with the water spout

and the clout that washed her spirit out

how all the kings men and all the kings horses

could not dry her doubt

but the sun did return

between the drenched and the burn

she found a route through the drought,

her serenity to yearn

my children dropped their guitars,

& return to mars

to discover their worth in vittles

Now they talk about mom’s piggy,

and their old friend Ziggy

watching battlefield earth and eating skittles

they step into the room

weave the strings upon the loom

making garments to embellish their attire

as the strings become the noose

that asphyxiate the truths

They have basted upon the fire

Tachyons dance

in this hyper luminal romance

with a hey diddle diddle, we fade from the middle of the spindle

The strings vigorously unwind

as he smiles at his Cheshire design

the line between the bronze and the brittle

the kitty in his cradle

spins his fractured dreidel

trying to win another silver spoon

just a loan from the unknown

what’s intricately been sewn

between splendid, extraordinary and Picayune

yet the resolutions we swallow

are like the intuitions we borrow

no one can taste our curds and whey

through all said and done

we dance upon the ephemeron

and feast from a tailored buffet

web weaver web weaver spin me my fate

the late cant implicate, nor detractors debate

estate calls to estate, and time wont wait at the gate

there are plates I’d rather not ornate

8) Pint of Dark matter

Crack the quasar over the skillet

scramble it up with some eggs and wine

Take a pint or two of dark matter

season it with rosemary sage and Thyme

the handmaids have offered us a piece of bread

are we nothing further than transmographied stardust

simple amalgamations of lime soda and floor crust

are we strange and are we charmed

have we abandoned the haven of old McDonalds farm

nothing more than supplementary quirks in space time

progressive impediments of intention and rhyme

the handmaids have offered us a cup of wine

are we nothing further than transmographied stardust

simple amalgamations of lime soda and floor crust

9) Ahab’s Bee of Death

yesterday I got stung to death

by an itty bitty bee

and it hurt oh so bad

made me sad,

why oh why,

made me cry

I don’t wanna wanna die

hurt so bad

made me sad

no, not glad

made me mad

then it stung me to death again

but it didn’t hurt

quite as bad, but it still

made me cry

why o why

all the pain

in my brain

falls like rain

leaves a stain

from the strain

hurt so bad

still kinda sad

still not glad

made me mad

Ahab calls us to join him

to slay the mighty beast

but in our lust for revenge

we soon become the feast

Then it stung me to death again

for a third time

feeling kinda numb, feeling fine and appeased

the touch of the bees

its my thing

the caress of the sting

bees my friend

don’t wanna end

don’t hurt so bad,

kinda glad

I like being sad

I enjoy being mad

Then with one

one more sting

I couldn’t live

without the zesty sting

oh the joy

the sting brings

numb the pain

what shall I ever gain

from the stain

in my brain

it don’t hurt at all

like shopping at the mall

the writings on the wall

I’ve become so small

What do we gain

when Cain offers grain

upon the alter of

distain and despair,

our rage cannot repair

the shoes we wear

Ahab calls us to join him

to slay the mighty beast

but in our lust for revenge

we soon become the feast

10) Dancing upon the Ephemeron

11) The Great Opaque divide

Betty Jo Jingle and Bobby Jangle

come from the world at a different angle

and found themselves in forbidden romance

in a land where Razzleflabbenz never dare to dance

Betty’s hair was fuchsia

Bobby’s hair was chartreuse

Betty’s tail was acute

Bobby’s tail was obtuse

For the field of Loshon Hora

an orthogonal wall grew between the shades

myths and legends brewed the stew

lost in analysis, brotherhood unglued

Betty Jo cried “If we left all the primary colors pure

never have all the beautiful shades of fur

let the Shades of fur start to blur

I must confer, to be assure”

Bobby replied “Then fill up the glasses as quick as you can,

And sprinkle the table with buttons and bran

And this same hair that smiles today

tomorrow I’ll be dyeing. “

for Bobby and Betty Jo’s love implied

the disengagement of the opaque divide

maybe somewhere they forgot to give ponderance

why it had to be this way

There is unrest in the meadow

There is trouble the in glade

we could become equal

with trimmer, sheers, and blade

Would noone truly hate

if we all epilate

or would this end in futility

until we learn to accept the potpourri

we don’t need pathogenic ocular dissonance

we don’t need to abandon our inheritance

we just need to learn to dance

and stop romancing irrelevance

They, hand in hand,

with wandering steps and slow,

Search for the where the sidewalk ends

and where the Giving Tree grows

And while all is said and done

let us unspin walls undone

and let the path be run

run with unity love and absolution

12) Sum of All Things

It was mid Octember when we got the news

it was late Febrilary when it came to pass

now the first of Janutober

and still many questions unasked

Old Saint Nick sips his last coke

silly Samhain tells his final joke

and peter rabbit has gone his way to greener fields

Some come to unremember

Some come to unregret

here at the House mother goose has built

Danny’s dinosaur finally has come home

folly once scorned

over popcorn

as we charade across the stage

now we take a bow

as we are known as we are now

here at the sum of all things

SDG

De Coloures, Table Of Paul, SWVA #15

this is a CD-r in a slim line case. its pure indie - no mass production or corporate stuff here...

AKA Phloide.com & the Garden Gnome Liberation Front

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