Politicians Are High In Protein (Use Them To Feed The Homeless) by Phil Van Tee

--------------Phil has performed OVER 12,000 SHOWS in the past quarter century, from circus mud show to shiny T. V.! ---------------Phil counts among his influences the likes of Mark Twain, Will Rogers, Uncle Dave Macon, Stringbean, W. C. Fields, Grampa Jones, Gary Cooper, Pete Seeger, Jeff Foxworthy, Shel Silverstein, Henny Youngman, Rodney Dangerfield, and Steven Wright.----------------

Here's some of Phil's songs that you might hear if you are fortunate enough to catch him performing live: "You & I Both Outgrew Ugly, But Our Baby's Got No Chance!"; "The Sooner I Never See Your Face Again, The Better It Will Be For Both Of Us When We Meet!"; "I Feel Much Better, But That Makes Me Feel Bad, 'Cuz When I Feel This Good, It Can Only Get Worse!"; "I Accidentally Shot My Horse, So I Had To Break His Leg"; "If You think My Heart Is Hard & Cold, You Ought To Feel My Liver!"; "Each Ex Put a Hex On The Next"; "He Gave Up Jumping On The Bed When They Installed The Ceiling Fan"; "Dust Mites In My Beard Honey - Hand Me The Hoover!"; "He Never Drank Before 'Twas Noon, 'Cuz He Slept Till 12:05'; "The New Puppy Snores Louder Than Grampa!"; "Blind Man Hates The Wormy Apple"; "Lips That Touch Liquor Shall Never Touch Mine - My Liquor, That Is!"; "The Hand That Rocked The Cradle Has Finally Kicked The Bucket"; "I Call Her My Brown Sugar, Cuz' She's So Sweet And Unrefined"; "We Feed The Baby Garlic So We Can Find Her In The Dark" and, last, but not least; "I'm Not Done Bein' Mad At You, I'm Just Smilin' To Rest My Face!"--------------

OVER HIS LONG AND NOBLE CAREER, PHIL HAS PERFORMED WITH: Paula Poundstone, Denis Leary, Rosie O’Donnel, Jay Leno, Cheech Marin, Bobcat Goldthwaite, Will Durst, Dana Gould, Steve Harvey, the Maguire Sisters, Andy Kindler, Marc Maron, Wendy Liebman, Steve Marmel, Kevin Meany, Lenny Clarke, Patton Oswald, Tom Parks, Rick Overton, Greg Proops, Mort Sahl, Mark Schiff, Rob Schneider, Craig Shoemaker, Margaret Smith, Chris Titus, Bob Zany, Ellen Degeneres, Carlos Alazraqui, Amazing Jonathon, Sammy Shore, Pauly Shore, John Byner, Dana Carvey, Margaret Cho, Anthony Clark, Sinbad, Wayne Cotter, Dave Coulier, Jim Breuer, David Cross, Diane Ford, Jeff Foxworthy, Janeane Garofalo, Sam Kinison, Rich Jeni, Jake Johanson, Sue Murphy, David Feldman, Matt Weinhold, George Miller, Drew Hastings, Tom Rhodes, Emo Philips, The Unknown Comic, Vic Dunlop, Bruce Baum, Bill Kirchenbauer, Kip Adotta, Argus Hamilton, Roseanne Barr and countless more!

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