Orientation Of The Open Miker by Abe R Rated

although pissed off i stuck around to watch him perform, my mood quickly improved whe i saw abe act like he was having sex with a horse on stage and then break into a hillarious rendition of the brady bunch theme song. i was an instant fan.

track 2----wrong body

abe r. rated loved music till his dying day. he always said bodies are bodies and the spirit never dies. one night in october 2007 while performing at the laugh factory he got heckled in a way that makes the mike richards incident seem like a minor occurence. he did a comedy bit about reincarnation and said he was gonna come back mexican and be a hater in north hollywood. the mexicans in the audience protested loudly to a point where abe threw down his mic and walked off stage. he then went to the viper room, downed 4 double shot 1800 margaritas and then proceeded to write the song wrong body on a club kids arm. jay plot 1-3ra the recording engineer made the music for this track.

track 3---how to quit smoking

in march 2002 i knew abe r. rated well enough to hang out. he was always able to support himself by doing construction and at this point in time was laboring on paul allens estate in the hollywood hills. paul allen helped bill gates form a little known company called microsoft and basically has more money than god. he is always buying his neighbors houses, tearing them down, then building recording studios, movie theatres, and guest houses. while laboring for paul allen abe could not stand the fact that he was not allowed to smoke in the hollywood hills. he quit smoking while on that job and wrote the classic comedy bit "how to quit smoking" while taking a dump in a porta john on paul allens estate and on paul allens time.

track 4----camping

abe r. rated liked very few comics on the club circuit. he however loved to watch rich white perform at the ha ha cafe in north hollywood. one night after rich whites set abe introduced me to him. being a producer of comedy cd's i offered him 500 dollars to come into the studio and in april 2002 he did just that giving me the classic tracks called camping, the zoo, and friends and mental health.

track 5----venice beach

abe r. rated loved venice beach during the day and hated it at night. one daywhile abe was at the beach he downed half a fifth of 1800 tequila and passed out. he was awakened at night by the roar of police helicopters flying above and the passionate cries of homeless people having sex on the beach. ever since that incident abe always said "venice beach during the day and santa monica at night".

track 6----the george 4-men

abe r. rated was 24 years old in 2002 and had a weekly spot at the laugh factory. jamie the owner wanted to manage abe but everytime he approached abe with a contract abe was drunk off his ass and could not even hold a pen. jamie finally caught abe sober one night and was about to discuss business when a young comic named allen smithey went on stage and did a hillarious comedy bit called the george 4-men. jamie forgot all about abe and signed tony canty instead. abe was so impressed with allen smithey he took the 30 second comedy bit and wrote a 3 minute pilot pitch out of it. tony came into the studio very well rehearsed and after a couple takes we had the george 4-men. abe also did a photo shoot with allen smithey creating a slide show. check it out at myspace.com/aberrated

track 7----deranged fans

abe r. rated was always getting himself into trouble with the public at large. his comedy was on the edge and left nobody out. abe developed a system for handling deranged fans after being beaten up one night after a show. abe was so drunk he could not defend himself against some bully who had a mother in a wheelchair and did not appreciate abes humor. abe bounced back quickly and moved on to write deranged fans.

track 8----doug and derreck

abe r. rated had many friends throughout the united stated. while touring in may 2006 he performed at a cheesy club in belleville, michigan. he became very upset after reading the local paper. two men in their twenties named doug and derreck had killed one of their friends by beating him repeatedly with a tire iron and then for whatever reason shoved doughnuts in his mouth. these two men had been on psychiatric drugs and desensitized majorly. abe wrote doug and derrick on the tour bus the same night. he cried himself to sleep he later told me.

track 9-----movie reviews

abe r. rated used to say all he knew in life he knew from the movies. steven speilburg was his favorite director and phillip seymour hoffman impressed him with capote. he wrote the movie review bit shortly before hi death in 2006.

track 10---the zoo

abe r. rated never missed a performance by rich white in la. no matter how small the club abe would be there ready to laugh. the zoo is about smoking weed but i never saw rich white smoke any.

track 11--- mexican immigration issue

abe r. rated did not mind the mexicans taking back california, he encouraged it. abe r. rated was a big fan of carlos mencia and would go to see him at the comedy store. abe was the greatchild of immigrants and knew america was so great because it kept its borders open.

track 12--- jason versus labor reddy

abe r. rated was a worker. he did not mind doing the worst jobs, just as long as he could support himself and do stand up. as the years went by in la he noticed less and less white people performing labor. abe would tell horror stories of being the only white english speaking person on construction job sites somedays. abe wrote jason versus labor reddy one morning after being forced off a job.

track 13---- black hollywood conspiracy

abe r. rated had a weakness for black women. one night in 2003 abe called me at 2 in the morning announcing he had just tied the not in vegas. his new bride was a b.b.b, big, black, and beautiful. i jumped in my car and met up with abe and his new wife and we proceeded to party for 3 days straight. good times.

track 14---- what time iz it?

the recording studio abe r. rated used was all access musician in sherman oaks. jay plot 1-3ra and his wife roxie sakura own and operate the place and are an abundance of talent. jay plot 1-3ra was our recording engineer and shared some of his hip hop with us one night in 2006. the song what time iz it was one of abes favorites so i leased it from jay plot 1-3ra and added it to this cd.great music.

track 15----pilot pitch 547

abe r. rated was always trying to come up with tv sitcom ideas. in may 2005 after watching rich white perform at the ha ha cafe in north hollywood he cornered rich white and told him all about his pilot pitch based on rich whites comedy. rich white went into the studio that night and read his pilot pitch cold for 200 dollars. rich white changed drinking colt 45 into drinkink a magik elixer during the read.

track 16---career open miker

abe r. rated hated the open mic circuit in la. after he was able to make a room full of comics laugh he quit doing the open mic shows. the career open miker was the last comedy bit he ever performed at an open mike show which was at the laugh factory in 2006.

track 17--- chiech and chong tribute

abe r. rated loved cheech and chong. their movies influenced his comedic sense and inspired him to do comedy, abe would tell people this often. abe worked in north hollywood and made light of the fact the mexicans had successfully recovered that portion of southern california.

abe would tell me later he wrote the chiech and chung bit after sitting in his car in north hollywood and realizing he had not seen another white person for 3 days.

track 18----gay hollywood

abe r. rated was as straight as an arrow and loved the ladies. he wrote gay hollywood early in 2001 when he first moved to la and was quite shocked at the weirdness which filled the city streets. he had many gay friends and a ton of gay people who hated him.

track 19----pilot pitch #442

help a brother out. abe r. rated was obsessed with making help a brother out a tv show on comedy central. one night he found out some comedy central executives were gonna be at the laugh factory so he jumped into character and ambushed them while they were in line waiting to get in. they loved his character and invited him into there studios the following week. abe never made it to the studio due to his sudden death.

track 20----the juvinci code

abe r. rated was jewish. he came from a good family and was raised jewish. he was considering becoming a rabbi but caught the showbusiness bug after watching grease 762 times with his cousin rachel. after the mel gibson incident he did not defend mel gibson but never said anything negative about him. he loved apocalypto man.

track 21--friends @ mental health

abe r. rated watched rich white make it to the big time. rich white started headling at all the major comedy clubs in 2005 and has not slowed down yet. abe and rich remained good friends until abes death in 2006.

track 22---a clockbroke orange

abe was invited to tour the psychiatry: an industry of death exhibit on sunset blvd in hollywood in august 2006. he was deeply disturbed by what he learned about psychiatry. he went into the recording studio the same day and wrote a clockbroke orange. jay plot 1-3ra composed the music.

track 23----bandwagon

abe r. rated loved hip hop. while putting this cd together i listened to jay plot 1-3ra's from the vault cd and chose to include the song bandwagon. this track features a rapper named coco shayne singing the hook

track 24--- clear me now dance mix

abe r. rated was a huge science fiction fan. past lives and advanced technology was something he and i would discuss for hours while sitting on patio furniture outside the starbucks in culver city. bodies are bodies and the spirit never dies he would always say.

track 25----stay tuned

abe r. rated died suddenly at a young age on christmas day 2006 along with one one of his favorite singers james brown. nobody knows how he died, his body was discovered in a hollywood alley still clinging to a bottle of 1800 tequila. his wife had him creamated the next day and now he rests above her fireplace. some strange force in hollywood was anti abe r. rated for some reason. i did my best to mimic abes voice on this track and discuss all the bizzarre things that happened to me while making this cd. i do not ever mention that the recording studio was broken into and all the computers and files stolen 3 days before the completion of this cd. they missed the seperate hard drive with all of abes stuff, ha ha.

ABERRATED---TO STRAY FROM RATIONAL THOUGHT.

SONG LYRICS FOR WRONG BODY

WORDS------RICH RAMSEY

MUSIC------ JAY PLOT 1-3ra

CHILL OUT BEFOR YOU SAY I AM WRONG FOR DOING

WHAT I DO

DO NOT HIDE BEHIND YOU BODY TYPE YOU KNOW

THESE WORDS ARE TRUE

LIFE AFTER LIFE I ALWAYS CHOOSE THE WRONG

BODY STYLE

ITS NOT COOL TO BE A WHITE MAN SO HERE I AM

ON FUNKING TRIAL.

HOOK

BECAUSE I ALWAYS PICK THE

ITS MY CHOICE BUT I ALWAYS PICK THE

I NEVER DIE BUT I ALWAYS PICK THE

WRONG BODY WRONG TIME

WORKING ON THE RAILROAD GETTING IT BUILT

VERY LITTLE WATER TO DRINK

I AM TELLING YOU STRAIGHT UP THAT YOU WERE

THE WHITE MAN AND I WAS THE FUNKIN CHINK.

THE SPIRIT NEVER DIES GETTING BODY AFTER BODY

NEVER THE SAME ONE TWICE.

EARTH IS A DUMPING GROUND FOR FUCKED UP

SPIRITS ONE WHO ARE NOT VERY NICE.

CHORUS

BACK ON TIME TRACK WHEN THE PSYCHS CAUSED THE

HOLOCOST.

I LEFT TWO BODIES LYING THEN BECAME A LITTLE

LOST.

JUST REMEMBER WHEN YOU GET UPSET AFTER

WATCHING THE NEWS

YOU PROBRABLY DROVE A TANK FOR THE GERMANS

AND I WAS WITH THE JEWS

CHORUS

I WROTE THIS DVD AS A SPIRIT NOT A BODY TYPE

SO SIT BACK RELAX HAVE A COUPLE OF DRINKS

I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE HYPE

JUST REMEMBER THAT LIFE IS A GAME

PLAY IT LIKE ONE AND WIN

THE PLAYERS ARE ALL IMMORTAL

AND YOU WILL MEET THEM ALL AGAIN

HOPEFULLY NOT IN THE

CHORUS

-----------------------------------------

SONG LYRICS FOR DOUG AND DERICK

WORDS----RICH RAMSEY

MUSIC----JAY PLOT 1-3ra

DOUG AND DERICK YOUR APPLICATION FOR SECURITY

CLEARANCE HAS BEEN DENIED

IT IS A BIT STATICKY--CAN YOU CLEAR ME NOW

NO WAIT I WILL MOVE OVER HERE

CAN YOU CLEAR ME NOW

DEAR PSYCHIATRIST DO NOT WORRY ABOUT ME

I AM MUC TOO BUSY WITH MY COMEDY

BUT WHEN I TELL ALL THE PEOPLE YOU SHOCKED

THE E TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY THERE GOING TO HUNT YOU DOWN IN THE STREET

AND CUT YOUR FUNKIN HEAD OFF

CHORUS

CAN YOU CLEAR ME NOW

NO I AM SORRY

THE PSYCHS GOT A HOLD OF YOU

DEAR PSYCHIATRIST

DO NOT WORRY ABOUT ME

I AM MUCH TOO BUSY FLOURISHING

BUT WHEN I TELL ALL THE PEOPLE YOU DRUGGED

THE E TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY

THEY ARE GOING TO HUNT YOU DOWN IN THE STREET

AND CUT YOUR FUNKIN HEAD OFF

CHORUS

DEAR PSYCHIATRIST

DO NOT WORRY ABOUT ME

I AM MUCH TOO BUSY HELPING

BUT WHEN I TELL ALL THE PEOPLE YOU DIAGNOSED

THE E TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY

THEY ARE GOING TO HUNT YOU DOWN IN THE STREET

AND CUT YOUR FUNKIN HEAD OFF

CHORUS

WORDS CLEAR ME NOW DANCE MIX

WORDS----RICH RAMSEY

MUSIC-----JAY PLOT 1-3ra

CAN YOU CLEAR ME NOW

NO I AM SORRY

THE PSYCHS GOT A HOLD OF YA

AS I WALK THIS EARTH A ZOMBIE

GOING FROM PLACE TO PLACE

I REFLECT BACK ON MY TIME IN THE WOMB

AND AM GLAD TO BE OUT OF THAT FUNKIN SPACE

CHORUS

I CAME DOWN AT BIRTH AND PICKED UP THE BODY

IT TOLD ME WHAT HAPPENNED IN THE WOMB

THESE MOTHERS OF EARTH HAVE BEEN A BIT NAUGHTY

TREAT THE FETUS BETTER OR MANKIND IS DOOMED

IT GOT SUCKER PUNCHED IN THE FACE

BY SOME DICKHEAD 27,000 TIMES

WAS SOAKED IN LYSOL FOR THREE DAYS WITH NO BREAK

AND JABBED 1432 TIMES BY A COATHANGER MADE STRAIGHT

CHORUS

SO IF YOUR GOING TO MAKE A BABY

HERE IS A WORD TO THE WISE

DO NOT STRAIN, HAVE INTERCOURS, MASTERBATE

OR USE SPEECH AROUND AN INJURED FETUS GUYS

CHORUS

CAN YOU CLEAR ME NOW

NO I AM SORRY THE PSYCHS GOT A HOLD OF YA

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